Stefan Salvatore

[ In some magical AU timeline where Klaus drama was settled, the Originals went to Vegas and Elena was perfectly fine and people stopped dropping like flies, vampire sex was had and it was great, but now it's time to head back to camp ]

[ well, one of them is packing at least ]

So the novels aren't great. I kept buying them out of the fornlorn hope that something magical will happen. AND SOMETHING DID. So I present: The Craving. 

[NEW YORK]
Stefan: Making monologues about killing squirrels--Wait, I SMELL HUMAN BLOOD. Crap. I guess I should save her [whisks her to her home]
Her VERY VERY RICH Family: STAY HERE OR WE'LL TAKE AWAY YOUR TROUSERS
Stefan: Crap

Stefan: Man Lydia and Bridget remind me of mirror versions of myself and Damon. This analogy is no way going to bite me back in the ass later.

Winfield: Take the daughter you saved to the ball
Stefan: ....
Winfield: We still have your trousers
Stefan: FML

Bridget: Come meet Count Damon DeSangue
Stefan: Seriously? DeSangue? That's not even subtle!
Damon: Oh hello mysterious Italian stranger. We could be brothers!
Stefan: ... And that's even less subtle.

Damon: Look at how awesome my life is.
Stefan: Whoop.
Damon: Now I need you to marry Bridget while I marry Lydia. Or I kill everyone.
Stefan: I knew that analogy was going to get me!

[WEDDING PLANNING, THEY ACTUALLY GET MARRIED]

Damon: Man, this wine is good when laced with blood.
Stefan: OH MY GOD I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! [leaves]
Damon: Was it something I said?

Damon: YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO RUN AWAY FROM ME so I'm dragging you home.
Stefan: sob kay but I'm going to insinuate you still have humanity in you.
Damon: Just for that, I'm killing the cabbie
Stefan: This feels like future deja vu

[They return home, THE ENTIRE FAMILY IS DEAD]
Stefan: SEE? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GET MARRIED, GOD

[Then stuff happens, Lexi is awesome, Damon saves Stefan and leaves, while Stefan goes to San Fran to brood]
Stefan: Dear diary, I get the feeling Katherine is laughing at us.
Katherine: [not too far away] HAHAHAHAHA.

THE END.

You're back.

[tonight, someone's not sleeping well]

( Read more... )

And not!spoilers

-We’ll continue to see flashbacks from 1864, but the writers have also brainstormed more current scenes for future seasons. An ongoing joke is Stefan and Damon partying at the now-defunct nightclub Studio 54.

DO WANT.